| Episode begins in Wilson's garage. Heidi is
sitting on top of some junk, introducing "Tool Time." |
|---|
| | |
| Heidi: | Welcome to "Tool Time" on location. All this
week we're gonna show you how to re-model and organize your garage. |
| Al: | And as you can see, this garage is crammed full
of every object imaginable. |
| Tim: | Well there's one object missing. I think it's
called an automobile. |
| Al: | That's right. The owner of this garage has a
classic Studebaker, but because it's so crowded in here [Al picks up a set of
bagpipes] he's got no place to put it. |
| Tim: | The first thing you want to do is start
getting rid of the big objects, like this totem pole. [Wilson pops his head
around the pole] |
| Wilson: | No, no, no, I could never part with my
pole. |
| Tim: | This is my neighbor Wilson. It's his garage
we're trying to organize. |
| Wilson: | Oh, my old bagpipes! [Wilson takes the
bagpipes from Al] |
| Al: | Well, to clean out your garage, you have to be
willing to part with stuff. |
| Tim: | That's right. So let's start by getting rid of
this old bathtub. |
| Wilson: | Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, that's,
that's my special tub, right there. You know, in the roaring twenties my father
used this to make bathtub gin. [Tim picks up a rubber duck from the
bath] |
| Tim: | That would explain the, the duck without a liver
and with the case of jaundice. |
| Al: | O.K., why don't we dump this big
lady. |
| Tim: | Al, you do what you want with your mom. I'm
trying to do a "Tool Time" show here. |
| Wilson: | Now hands off that statue, Al. That is a
family heirloom. If that lady could only talk. |
| Tim: | This "Tool Time" episode would take forever to
do. |
| Al: | Alright, well how about dumping the
tuba? |
| Tim: | Yeah. |
| Wilson: | No way. |
| Tim: | How about the dog sled? |
| Wilson: | Don't be ridiculous. |
| Al: | The cannon? |
| Wilson: | Never. [Wilson puts the bagpipes down in
the bathrub] |
| Tim: | How about something small? [Tim holds up some
boxing gloves] |
| Wilson: | No, no, no, no. These are the gloves I wore
in my exhibition about Sonny Liston. |
| Al: | You were a boxer? |
| Wilson: | Oh yes indeedy. [Wilson strikes up a boxing
pose] Back then I was known as Sugar Wilson Wilson. [Al spars with
Wilson] |
| Tim: | To your corners fellas. Get you own punching
bag. [Pointing to Al] This punching bag is mine. |
| Al: | Well, sometimes to clear out your garage, the
first thing you have to get rid of is the owner. |
| | |
| Cut to Wilson's garage, a little later. |
|---|
| [Al finishes screwing a cabinet to the wall] |
| | |
| Tim: | Hi, welcome back to "Tool Time" and our
special segment [Al salutes] "organizing your garage." Al has just installed
the last of our cabinets. |
| Al: | As before, you used wood screws on the rails
that run along the inside perimeter. And as you can see, we built the lower
cabinets extra-large so they can fit even the most odd-shaped
objects. |
| Tim: | Like Al; he fits right in there, you can
barely even see him. [Tim muffles his voice with his hands] I can't get out of
here. But the best news is, now we have room for the Studebaker. [Tim pats the
car] |
| Al: | Hmm-hm. |
| Tim: | Cabinets are all finished now, Al. |
| Al: | That's right, it looks great. |
| Tim: | Best of all, I think you and I did a good job
of organizing Wilson's garage. What do you think? [Wilson enters from his
yard] |
| Wilson: | Save for one minor detail. |
| Tim: | Yep. Ah. [Wilson's back yard is filled with
the junk from the garage] Er. Tune in tomorrow for another special "Tool Time"
"organizing a yard sale." |
| | |
| [Opening credits] |
|---|
| | |
| Cut to a gym. |
|---|
| [Jill is trying to adjust the weight settings on her bench.
Ian comes over to her] |
| | |
| Ian: | Can I give you a hand? |
| Jill: | No, y'know, it's always getting stuck like
this. In fact, it's becoming part of my work out, y'know. One, two, one, two.
[Jill pulls on the weight pin. Ian laughs. Jill tugs on the pin and it suddenly
frees, causing Jill to swing her arm into Ian] Oh! I am so sorry. |
| Ian: | It's O.K. |
| Jill: | Are you sure? |
| Ian: | Oh really, really. I mean, after fifty reps on
that quad machine, I have no feeling left in that leg anyway. |
| Jill: | Oh. |
| Ian: | Really, it's alright. |
| Jill: | Oh, I can't believe I did that. [Ian sits
down at another machine. Tim enters from another part of the gym] |
| Tim: | Good game, guys. |
| Jill: | Well, hi. |
| Tim: | Well, hi. |
| Jill: | I didn't know you were gonna be here. [Jill
starts lifting the weights on her machine] |
| Tim: | Oh yeah. Had an important meeting this
morning, it got pushed off, a little b-ball sounded like a good idea. |
| Jill: | Oh. Who was the meeting with? |
| Tim: | A guy named Pee Wee. |
| Jill: | Ah. From the prestigious firm Pee Wee, Pee
Wee, Pee Wee and Pee Wee. |
| Tim: | No, it's, Pee Wee's got this radio I want for
the '46 rod, it's a one-of-a-kind. It's N.O.S. |
| Jill: | N.O.S? What's that? |
| Tim: | It's called New Old Stock. It's solenoid
operated, it's right from a '46 Ford, it's got got a five station
preset. |
| Jill: | S.I.A. |
| Tim: | What? |
| Jill: | Sorry I Asked. Oh guess what! Patty got opera
tickets, we're gonna go see Carmen tonight. |
| Tim: | Oh no! [Jill laughs] Carmen, the opera. Now if
they had an opera named Car Man, I'd be there. |
| Jill: | Um, Mom called. She that that family
reunion's gonna be in January now. |
| Tim: | I'm beginning to hate those reunions,
y'know? All those weird relatives picking at me, Aunt Sally pinching my cheeks.
[Tim pinches his cheeks and imitates Aunt Saly] Give me a little lippy, lippy.
I'm off. See you later. |
| Jill: | See you. [Tim leaves. Ian takes some weights
over to the rack] How's that leg? |
| Ian: | The leg's fine. |
| Jill: | Ah. |
| Ian: | Did I overhear you say you're going to see
Carmen tonight? |
| Jill: | Oh, yeah. I'm really looking forward to
it. |
| Ian: | Oh, it is one of my favorite operas. I'm
Ian. |
| Jill: | Oh, Jill. |
| Ian: | Y'know, years ago I heard Marilyn Horn sing
Carmen at the Met. |
| Jill: | You heard Marilyn Horn? |
| Ian: | Yes I did. |
| Jill: | I love her. |
| Ian: | Oh, when she sang Habanera. |
| Jill: | Oh, that must have been amazing. |
| Ian: | It took my breath away. |
| Jill: | Ah. |
| Ian: | [Singing]
L'amour est un oiseau rebelle,
Que nul ne peut apprivoiser, [Jill joins in]
Et c'est bien en vain qu'on l'appelle,
S'il lui convient de refuser.
That's it! [The other people in the gym applaud. Jill turns away,
embarrassed] Do you like La Bohème? |
| Jill: | Oh, I love La Bohème. |
| Ian: | It is coming to town next week. If you'd like
to see it I'd love to take you. |
| Jill: | Excuse me? |
| Ian: | Well, maybe we could have dinner first. [Jill
lets go of the lifting bar on her machine] |
| Jill: | Um, er, um, did you just ask me out on,
y'know, a date? |
| Ian: | Well, I, yeah. I did. |
| Jill: | I'm married. [Jill points to her ring finger,
but it's covered by a glove] Oh wait, you couldn't see that, but there was just
that guy that I was just talking to. |
| Ian: | The one who hates your family? |
| Jill: | He's my husband. |
| Ian: | Your husband? I thought he was your
brother. |
| Jill: | You, you thought he was my brother? |
| Ian: | Yeah. |
| Jill: | What made you think he was my
brother? |
| Ian: | Well, y'know, I mean, I, you're going to the
opera with, with Patty, and he's going to meet, er, Pee Wee? |
| Jill: | Yeah. |
| Ian: | And, er, you're looking forward to your mom's
reunion and he's worried about getting a lippy from Aunt Sally. I, I feel like
such a jerk. |
| Jill: | Oh, no, no. I mean, if that's the way we came
across, y'know, like Donnie and Marie, I can understand, y'know, how you would
have asked me out. The answer's still no, but I can understand how you would
have. You really thought he was my brother? |
| Ian: | Look, I'm sorry. |
| Jill: | My. [A woman approaches them] |
| Woman: | You two are wonderful. If my husband sang
with me that way, we'd still be together. |
| | |
| Cut to the living room, the next day. |
|---|
| [The boys enter from the backyard, carrying some of Wilson's
junk] |
| | |
| Jill: | What is all that? |
| Brad: | It's all the stuff Wilson's giving away.
[Mark is holding a stuffed boar. Brad is wearing a knight's helmet and carrying
a shield and lance. Randy is holding some pipes] |
| Mark: | He gave me his boar. |
| Randy: | Yeah, we tried to give Wilson our bore but
Mark wouldn't stay. |
| Mark: | Shut up. |
| Jill: | Guys, I don't want you rummaging through all
Wilson's stuff and bringing home all this useless junk. |
| Randy: | Useless? There is nothing useless about a
set of Ubanian nose flutes. [Randy sticks one of the pipes up his nose and
blows down it] |
| Jill: | I don't know whether to say bravo or
gesundheit. [The boys go to their rooms. Brad passes Tim in the hall] |
| Tim: | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What have I told you a
thousand times? |
| Brad: | I know. No medieval combat in the house.
[Brad goes upstairs. Tim comes over to Jill] |
| Tim: | I got a question for you. Where's a nice quiet
restaurant two people can go and just talk? |
| Jill: | I love Sorentino's. |
| Tim: | That's great idea. That's where I'll take Pee
Wee. |
| Jill: | Pee Wee. |
| Tim: | If I want that radio, I'm gonna have to wine and
dine that guy. |
| Jill: | I see. Tim, we've gotta talk. |
| Tim: | Hmm. |
| Jill: | I would have talked to you about this last
night when I got home but I could tell you were doing that thing where you
pretend you're asleep so you wouldn't have to talk to me about the
opera. |
| Tim: | Hm, if you knew I was pretending why didn't
you say something? |
| Jill: | Because if you go to that much trouble to tune
me out, what would be the point? |
| Tim: | You're right; the system works, why mess with
it. |
| Jill: | Yesterday when we were at the Y, do you
remember a guy that was working out right next to me? |
| Tim: | No. |
| Jill: | Well, he was. And, er, he asked me out on a
date. |
| Tim: | Where are you guys going? |
| Jill: | Tim, I'm serious. He asked me out cuz he
didn't realize I was married; he thought that you were my brother. |
| Tim: | Where did he get that idea? |
| Jill: | I guess because of the way we were relating,
y'know. We weren't connecting to each other. |
| Tim: | This is a guy who heard us talking at the Y
for, like, five minutes? So what? |
| Jill: | Yeah, I know. But it got me thinking about
the way we've been lately. |
| Tim: | How've we been lately? |
| Jill: | Out of tune. Cut off from each other. I mean,
yesterday we didn't even kiss hello or goodbye. |
| Tim: | You were all sweaty. |
| Jill: | Tim, I feel like we're drifting
apart. |
| Tim: | We're not drifting apart. |
| Jill: | You don't think so? |
| Tim: | No. Our, our relationship is like any couple
that's been married this long. It's, it's comfortable. It's, it's like, it's
like an old pair of shoes. |
| Jill: | That's what our marriage has become to you?
Worn-out footwear? |
| Tim: | Not worn-out, er, broken in, stretched out.
This isn't helping, is it? |
| Jill: | No. |
| | |
| Cut to the gym. |
|---|
| [Jill is working on a step machine. Ian enters] |
| | |
| Ian: | Jill. I'm so glad you're here. Look, look I
want to apologize again for yesterday. I had no idea he was your
husband. |
| Jill: | Oh, well, y'know, based on what you saw how
could you have known? |
| Ian: | Well, I should have figured it out. I'm just
not used to this whole dating thing. Huh, I told my kids I wasn't
ready. |
| Jill: | Your kids? |
| Ian: | Yeah, I have four. Their mother passed away
six years ago so I've been raising them by myself. |
| Jill: | Wow. That must be so hard. |
| Ian: | Well, it is in certain ways. But I've also
gotten to know my daughters better than most fathers ever will. |
| Jill: | You have four girls? |
| Ian: | You're looking at the only man on my block who
can do a French braid. Four heads in fifty-eight minutes. I can also hem a
dress and cook and mend a broken heart. |
| Jill: | Wow. Is there anything you can't
do? |
| Ian: | Yeah. Get myself out on a date. That's why when
I saw you yesterday and, er, our duet brought down the gym, it just, we seemed
so perfect. [Jill drops her towel. Ian picks it up for her] It's just been a
long time since I've, er, been attracted to somebody. [Jill steps off the
machine] |
| Jill: | Well, er, y'know, I'm very flattered Ian,
y'know, but unfortunately I'm still very married. Did I say unfortunately? I
didn't mean that. What I mean was that, y'know, like, under different
circumstances, y'know, if I didn't have a wonderful husband at home, who I love
and cherish and who loves and cherishes me like a stretched out old
slipper. |
| Ian: | You would have said yes. [The other people in
the gym leave] |
| Jill: | Yes. [The lights in the gym switch
off] |
| Ian: | Then I'm not totally crazy. You are attracted
to me too. |
| Jill: | Well, wow, look at that, this place is
closing down. We really should, er, [Jill starts to gather up her things]
go. |
| Ian: | Yeah, I guess we should. |
| Jill: | Don't want to get locked in. |
| Ian: | No, be stuck in here together all
night. |
| Jill: | No, don't want that. Have you noticed that
we're not going? |
| Ian: | I noticed. [Jill & Ian kiss] |
| | |
| Cut to Tim & Jill's bedroom. |
|---|
| [Jill opens her eyes from her dream, and sits up] |
| | |
| [Commercial break] |
|---|
| | |
| Cut to Tim & Jill's bedroom. |
|---|
| [Jill switched on the light, which wakes up Tim] |
| | |
| Tim: | What's the matter? [Jill starts reading a
book] |
| Jill: | Oh, I had a dream. |
| Tim: | Oh. Have a bad one? |
| Jill: | [Jill thinks about this] Not
exactly. |
| Tim: | What time is it? |
| Jill: | Um, it's 2:15. I'm gonna read for a
while. |
| Tim: | Can't you read downstairs? I've gotta get up
at 5:30. |
| Jill: | Why do you have to get up at 5:30? |
| Tim: | I've gotta take Pee Wee pheasant
hunting. |
| Jill: | You don't like hunting. |
| Tim: | Or pheasants. But I like that radio. |
| Jill: | I'm sorry I woke you up. I'll just go back to
sleep. [Jill switches off the light] |
| Tim: | If you have trouble sleeping, just do what I
do. |
| Jill: | What? |
| Tim: | Shut your eyes and think about something you
really want. Something you're dying to get your hands on. |
| | |
| Cut the the living room. |
|---|
| [Jill and Patty are sitting at the table] |
| | |
| Jill: | It was an unbelievable dream. I mean, from
the moment this man, Ian, walked in we couldn't take our eyes off each other.
Y'know, you could feel the heat. |
| Patty: | I'm feeling it now. |
| Jill: | This is very embarrassing. |
| Patty: | Not for me. Don't leave out a single
detail. |
| Jill: | We're alone, the gym is empty, we keep saying
that we're gonna leave but nobody moves. And then it happens. We fall into each
other's arms and, and kiss. |
| Patty: | Oh, wow. Oh, that is so hot. |
| Jill: | What do you think of my dream? |
| Patty: | I wish it was mine. |
| Jill: | No, that's very scary. |
| Patty: | Why? |
| Jill: | Because I'm a married woman and, and, and I'm
fantasizing about an intimate relationship with another man. |
| Patty: | Yeah, but it's just a dream. That's
perfectly normal. |
| Jill: | No, no, it would be normal if there weren't a
real guy I was attracted to and there wasn't some other guy who looks at me
like I'm a pair of floorshimes. [Jill & Patty go over to the kitchen] |
| Patty: | O.K., O.K., I, well, what are you saying?
Are you saying that you're actually considering acting on these
feelings? |
| Jill: | No. No. I'm committed to Tim. I would nev-
no, it's just. O.K., so what? He says we're comfortable. What's wrong with
comfortable? |
| Patty: | A lot of couples don't even get to
comfortable. |
| Jill: | Right. |
| Patty: | Right. |
| Jill: | And we both know that fireworks eventually
burn out. Comfortable lasts forever. |
| Patty: | What's wrong with that? |
| Jill: | Everything. |
| | |
| Cut to Tim & Jill's bedroom, that night. |
|---|
| [Jill is reading in bed. Tim enters] |
| | |
| Tim: | Hi. |
| Jill: | Hi. How was your dinner with Pee Wee? Did you
get the radio? |
| Tim: | No. He was leading me on. He does this to
innocent car guys for free meals and pheasant ammo. Men. |
| Jill: | I'm sorry. I know how much that radio meant
to you. |
| Tim: | I can't believe how much money I wasted on
this guy. |
| Jill: | Yeah, but it's only money. and you spent it
because you love cars so much. I can understand that. [Tim looks at Jill,
suspiciously] |
| Tim: | Are you alright? |
| Jill: | Yeah, I'm fine. [Tim sits next to Jill on the
bed] I, er, I rented us a video. I thought maybe we could watch it
together. |
| Tim: | Ahhh. No, let me guess: Terms of Endearment.
[Jill shows Tim the tape] Spartacus! That's my favorite movie. |
| Jill: | I know. I thought I'd give it another chance.
I thought it might bring us closer together. |
| Tim: | I'm sitting right next to you. |
| Jill: | Tim. |
| Tim: | Does this have anything to do with that guy at
the gym that said I'd married my sister? |
| Jill: | What he said was that we seemed like brother
and sister. |
| Tim: | He's a con man, honey. He convinces a woman
that she's married to her brother, pfuf, next thing you know, he's moved in,
the husband's moved out in a furnished apartment eating celery soup out of a
can. |
| Jill: | Honey, I love you. I'm not gonna leave you
for another man. I just don't want to go through the rest of our marriage like
a brother and sister. |
| Tim: | Me too. Or we'd have to move to the
Bayou. |
| Jill: | So tell me something: are you totally
satisfied with the way we are? |
| Tim: | Oh yeah. [Tim stands up] |
| Jill: | Tim, c'mon. |
| Tim: | Well, not totally. |
| Jill: | O.K., O.K. If you could change something, if
you could wake up tomorrow and have something be different, what would it
be? |
| Tim: | Do you really want to know this? |
| Jill: | Yes I do. Say it. Whatever it is. |
| Tim: | Well, if something could be different, I wish,
I wish [Tim looks around and leans towards Jill] it could be our sex
life. |
| Jill: | How? |
| Tim: | I wish we had one. It's been a long
time. |
| Jill: | I know, I know. But you know how hard it is
for me when I don't feel close to you. |
| Tim: | Well it's hard for me to feel close to you if
we don't have sex. |
| Jill: | Well then, what are we gonna do? |
| Tim: | Well, you said we're out of tune so we'll,
let's get a tune-up. What do you say I take you to Sorentino's on Saturday; a
little candle-lit dinner, you and I? |
| Jill: | That sounds pretty good. Although you are on
the rebound from Pee Wee. |
| Tim: | [Tim yawns] I think I can get over Pee Wee.
Let me ask you a question. If there was one thing you could change about our
relationship, what would it be? [Tim lies on the bed next to Jill] |
| Jill: | I wish that we would talk more, and I wish
sometimes that if I'm feeling down, that you would put your arms around me and
just hold me. |
| Tim: | That's two things. |
| | |
| Cut to Tim & Jill's bedroom, later that
night. |
|---|
| [Tim & Jill are lying in bed, talking] |
| | |
| Tim: | I just wish you understood me better. I mean,
look past what I say sometimes and try to figure out what I really mean. You
know when I was talking about the shoes, what I was trying to say -- |
| Jill: | -- it was like a metaphore.for our marriage.
And instead of having my feelings hurt, I should have gotten past my own
insecurity and, and, and seen it for what it was: an affirmation of our
love. |
| Tim: | Shoes, they say it all. |
| Fade to later in the night. |
|---|
| [Tim & Jill are sitting up in bed, drinking coffee] |
| Jill: | Someday it will just be the two of us,
prowling around the house. |
| Tim: | You think we'll out-live the kids? |
| Jill: | I'm talking about when they move out, y'know,
it's gonna leave a big void. |
| Tim: | We'll fill the void with all the stuff we've
always wanted to do together. |
| Jill: | Like what? |
| Tim: | Oh, chop and channel a '49 Merc. [Jill looks
away] Or buy a fishing boat; we can gut our own flounder. |
| Jill: | I'd rather work on the car. |
| Tim: | Alriiight. |
| Jill: | What about painting? |
| Tim: | I love painting. |
| Jill: | We could take lessons. |
| Tim: | Why? All you need is a pan and two
rollers. |
| Fade to later in the night. |
|---|
| [Tim is massaging Jill's foot] |
| Tim: | I was getting my haircut the other day and I
read a magazine that said that a couple gets divorced every minute. |
| Jill: | Gee, you'd think that couple would stop
getting married! Y'know, when we first got married I was so scared that it
wasn't gonna work out [Jill lies down next to Tim, resting her head on his
chest] and then there was this one moment, about six months in, when I realized
that we were gonna be O.K. |
| Tim: | I remember that. We went on vacation down on
the islands, walk on the beach, the moon was up there, and I told you I loved
you more than most of my tools. |
| Jill: | Actually I block that moment out. No, I had
been really sick, this terrible, terrible 'flu, and you passed up Laker tickets
so that you could stay home and take care of me. |
| Tim: | Yeah. Well, I was young and in love. And I
scalped those tickets for three times their face value. |
| Jill: | I can't believe it's been eighteen
years. |
| Tim: | I can't believe it's been all night; the sun's
coming up. [Jill turns to look at the window] |
| Jill: | Wow. Uh. Do you remember the last time that
we stayed up all night, just the two of us, sitting and talking? |
| Tim: | I know what night you're talking
about. |
| Jill: | Hmm. |
| Tim: | The night I proposed. |
| Jill: | Yeah. You remember afterwards we went out for
breakfast, to that place with the, the big wagon wheel out front. |
| Tim: | Yes! With that big wagon wheel right in front of
the place. |
| Jill: | Yeah. |
| Tim: | What was the name of that place? |
| Jill: | The Wagon Wheel. And you remember what we
did after that? |
| Tim: | Yes. But I don't think I can still do that
after a plate of their hi-ho silver dollar pancakes. [Jill climbs on top of
Tim] Hello. |
| Jill: | Maybe this time we should have pancakes
after. |
| Tim: | Hi-ho silver. [Tim & Jill kiss] |
| | |
| CREDITS |
|---|
| | |
| [Outtake from the previous scene] |
|---|
| | |
| [Tim & Jill are kissing. Jill sits up. Ian comes out of the
bathroom, wearing only a towel] |
| | |
| Ian: | Jill, where do you keep the cream rinse? [Jill
bursts out laughing. Tim pushes Jill off him, and he and Ian assume boxing
poses. Tim & Ian go into the bathroom together] |
| | |
| THE END |
|---|
